After many years of feeling blithely comfortable with the health of my breasts, I have noticed this past week some alarming signals that things may not be well.
Three times in the past 10 days I have glanced in the bathroom mirror when I wasn’t dressed and I happened to see “something.” I seem to have blocked the first thing from my memory. I think my psyche wasn’t ready to see it. (Nothing here to see, folks. Hurry along. La la la la!) I think it was an inverted nipple, which is definitely considered a danger sign (except for those who are born that way.) Then, more recently, on two different occasions I saw a little dimple next to my nipple. Dimples are also possible warning signs.
I took pictures of the dimples to document them and showed one of the pictures to a nurse friend. She encouraged me to see a doctor. At some level, of course, I knew that I needed to get it checked out, but I was super busy and her encouragement was the kick I needed.
I saw the doctor yesterday. They squeezed me in for an appointment because it was concerning. She did a thorough manual examination of both breasts. And I’m sad to report she found concerning masses on both breasts. I will be getting both a mammogram and ultrasound on Thursday.
I did do some very elementary research on what these symptoms could mean. And it’s not good. The dimpling (even one subtle dimple that is temporary, as was the case with me) could potentially mean inflammatory breast cancer or lobular breast cancer or invasive ductal carcinoma. However, there are also some benign reasons for the dimpling.
I wisely got off of Google before going too far down the rabbit hole. No sense worrying about something that hasn’t yet been diagnosed. Fortunately I was exhausted that night from a very intense week of packing and cleaning. Also, my kind sister-in-law prayed for me after I had crawled into bed. She also offered me some Rescue Remedy, which I gladly took. The combination of the three (very hard work/exhaustion/stress, prayer, and Rescue Remedy) all conspired to give me a good night’s sleep. And, amazingly, I haven’t been too worried since confiding to my sister-in-law. I haven’t forgotten, but I’m not obsessing. Thank goodness. That’s just pure grace.
For those new to this blog, twelve years ago I was diagnosed with ductal carcinoma in situ. This is not a serious diagnosis, although, of course, everyone hears carcinoma and freaks out. Myself included. Although easily treatable (although often over-treated–see blog post on October 30, “The Case for Doing Nothing”), and not terminal, sometimes women with DCIS seem more predisposed to a more serious cancer down the road.
For years I had worried about the possibility of a more serious kind of cancer, and then based on something I was once told, I was able to completely let go of my fears. Now they’re back, and I’m a bit upset with myself for gaining back the weight I’d lost and for eating junk food a little more often than I should. (Although I still eat well 75% of the time–certainly better than many or most Americans.)
Nevertheless, it does me no good to kick myself. Now is the time for radical self-care and self-love. As of yesterday, I committed to the Whole Foods 30 program. I have long known I need to eliminate wheat from my diet and to cut back on carbs. Now is the time to do it. More veggies and fruits and NO WHEAT (which, for me, causes noticeable inflammation.)
I’ll keep you posted.
Take care of yourselves out there!
The Breast Blog 