Intuition, Intent, and Finding the Proper Path toward Healing

28 Feb

February 28, 2012

So I had started a blog a couple days ago about how I seem to have come to a  turning point.  Before there had always been  an undercurrent of fear about cancer returning and the subsequent loss of a breast.  But, through grace, recently I’ve come to a place of greater peace.

A few things had converged to create this shift.

  1. I’d gone to a healer.  She worked with me to release and clear old energy patterns and ill-advised thoughts that were lodged in my consciousness.  These thoughts were often the result of beliefs held by my parents or ancestors or others whom I’ve encountered in my life.   After this session, I felt considerably lighter, as if the weight of the world (which I hadn’t realized I’d been carrying) had been lifted from me.
  2. I’d gone to a healing sweat lodge – a lodge specifically for women.   During the third round – the round of personal healing, I’d had an insight.  I realized I needed to let go of my attachment to my breasts.  I needed to stop focusing on them as a part of my attractiveness.  I needed to realize that in the overall scheme of things, what is most important is that I LIVE MY LIFE.  I need to focus on my purpose – what is important for me to do – this day, this week, this month, this year.  I need to stop focusing on what I fear and instead focus on my path. This may seem so obvious to you all, but to me, it was a really important shift.
  3. A friend has a daughter who is healing from a more advanced form of breast cancer using many natural treatments, including spiritual ceremony.  This daughter was advised “not to listen to anyone who tells her anything about cancer.”  Everyone has a story to tell about cancer.  And often the story they choose to tell will be about someone dying.  (How does this serve the person who is struggling to get well?  It does not.)  In addition, doctors often focus on worst case scenarios and treat accordingly- ie, if there’s a possibility one could die, then of course the most aggressive form of treatment is essential.  But we always have a choice in our thoughts and our focus.  If we focus on the worst case scenario, we may very well “call it to us.”   (This does not apply to passing thoughts but to obsessive worries.  For instance, the hypochondriac who always focuses on being sick is likely to become sick more often.)

So after this succession of events, I was recently  surprised to realize ‘Oh!  I don’t feel afraid anymore!”  I realized it might not necessarily be a permanent feeling, but for the time being, I was profoundly grateful to have felt the shift.  I realized I didn’t want to be “that woman who has breast cancer” anymore.  I wanted to be me, living boldly and vibrantly and doing wonderful things in the world.

And then this morn I had another dream. Sigh…

In this dream I discover that my right breast (the one in which cancer had been discovered and removed last August) was puckered and misshapen in the upper left quadrant.  (The lumpectomy had been in the upper right quadrant.)  I was able to manually pull out the tissue and reshape my breast again.  But the dream scared me.

Two weeks ago I dreamed that white dots were discovered throughout my right breast. These dots I knew represented cancer.

So, what do I make of these dreams?  On the one hand, they could be indicative of remaining fragments of fear. On the other hand, these dreams could be signs.  And I realized this morn that the latter explanation feels more likely.   I am not necessarily a prophetic dreamer, but in the past I have been blessed with some “big” dreams which have been gifts and/or messages.

I decided to consult an oracle.  The card I pulled was the High Priestess, representing “discernment, prescience, prophecy, vision.”  Hmmm. That seems pretty darn clear, doesn’t it?

The book that accompanied this oracle deck* also said, “Go beyond the ordinary, past the chaos of modern life, and trust your inner vision to guide you on your path.   Pay attention to your dreams, and keep track of your intuitive hunches, for when the High Priestess appears, she asks you to look for the thread of truth in these places.  Be discerning in all that you do at this time, for the High Priestess reminds you that not all is as it seems to be.”

Sigh….   I have an appointment with my doctor next week.  It’s been on the schedule for 2-3 months.  She will be looking at the mammogram from January which showed a calcification and she will compare it to the films from last May.  I wonder what she will say.  More importantly, I wonder what I will choose to do.

I have been so wedded to the intention of fighting this as naturally as possible.  But based on these (and other) dreams, I wonder if I may need to reconsider the medical treatments I have been so wary of.  I think my next course of action may have to include a vision quest.  I truly need more clarity.

Thanks for listening.

* Wisdom of Avalon Oracle Cards, by Colette Baron-Reid, p. 4-5.

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