Mini Update

9 Aug

The Breast Blog #10

August 9, 2011

Mini update.

This is a follow-up regarding the recent biopsy.  No, I still don’t have word.  It’s been six days, or three-and-a-half business days.

What I am aware of is continuing discomfort in the right breast.  I am feeling the after-effects of the procedure.  I am realizing that my poor little breast suffered trauma and it may take some time to heal from that.

It’s interesting that I wasn’t feeling much physical pain for the last two months.  But now I do – from the finding-out  part, as opposed to the symptoms themselves.  I  ask myself, ‘Was the procedure really necessary?’  And my reluctant answer is, ‘Yes.  I think I needed it so I can know once and for all if anything is going on that needs to be taken care of.’  To not have had this procedure would have left me wondering and worrying for a long time.  But to wonder and worry for a short time but then find out what’s going on and deal with it, that makes sense.

My friend Julia was so right.  This is the worst part.  This freaking waiting.  Once I know, I can deal with it.  I know I can.

If I feel discomfort now, I find myself rather scared thinking about recovering from the trauma of actual surgery.  And I also realize how very little I know about the upcoming procedure.  And once again I will have to summon up the courage to be more assertive and ASK.  Because for some reason, the doctor did not schedule time to meet with me after this first biopsy and before the surgery.  And as I am basically a hospital novice (with regard to personal experience,) and certainly a novice with any kind of surgery, and most certainly a novice with this particular kind of surgery, I need to ask more questions.  What exactly will you be doing with/to my left breast?  What instruments will you be using?  Are you extracting the entire milk duct?  How long is a milk duct?  How wide?  Will you remove any tissue from around the milk duct?  And is the nodule in fact within the duct?  What will be the repercussions?  Will I have scarring – internally or externally?  Will we somehow “fill in” the space that will open as a result of removing the duct?  How will the body heal?  How can we accelerate and support the healing?  Will I lose any sensation in my breast or nipple?

I don’t know any of these answers!  From my online research, it sounds like there will not be an external scar, but there may be a depression in the breast.  It sounds like it is possible to lose sensation in the nipple, which may or may not be temporary.

I am sad to think that my body will look and feel different after this surgery.  It helps somewhat to do what my social worker friend says, “Think of it as a battle scar.”  One author – I forget who – says that if Americans went around without shirts on, we would see that the most common scars among men are from open-heart surgery.  And the most common scars among women are from mastectomies.

I am one of many, many, many women engaged in a battle to save my breasts (or life, as the case may be.)  Hopefully this blog will help you all to save yours as well.

3 Responses to “Mini Update”

  1. Phila August 10, 2011 at 2:57 am #

    Excerpted from Deena Metzger’s cancer-journal, Tree:

    “Someday someone will isolate the frequency of love and build a machine to transmit it. Calling it Smith’s Healing Rays, they will charge to beam it at our injured parts. And we may forget it was ours all the time. But for now, we will call it TREE.

    The fabricated TREE will not be as effective as what we can develop within ourselves. For TREE is individual, each person sending that love particular to her/his being and no computer can simulate the variety, tenderness and efficaciousness of the heart. TREE is particular, but it is also collective, not the act of one person, but of several, not exclusively an act of intimacy, but also of community. And TREE is not what we have associated with healing, the sucking into our own healthy bodies of a disease occupying another, but rather the loving saturation of the other body with the healing light originating in the heart.”

    Love you, sister…

  2. Wanda Burch August 11, 2011 at 1:53 am #

    Blessings and love go out to you. Look to yourself and your dreams for guidance and then trust your inner resources, including the rich gifts of the imagination, in the healing process.

    We are each battling this disease for ourselves, our mothers, grandmothers, daughters, sisters, and friends – and for the cure that will ripple into the futures of the seventh generation.

    • cindygreb August 11, 2011 at 2:36 am #

      These are beautiful words indeed, Wanda. And wise ones.
      I am definitely working on exploring and honoring my dreams. And I need to begin to more actively use my imagination for healing. Thank you for the reminder.
      And yes, the whole reason I’m doing this blog is so that it can hopefully help others to learn from my experience and/or to not feel so alone. (And it certainly helps me to write about it all.) And oh yes! May there be a blessed cure soon for all those we love now and into the future.
      Blessings to you for all the good work you do.
      (Your book, She Who Dreams, was a wonderful catalyst for me.)

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