Welcome to the Breast Blog

14 Jul

The Breast Blog #1

By Cynthia Greb

June 29, 2011

In the summer of 2009, for some quirky unknown reason, I started taking photos of my breasts.  Actually, I suspect it had something to do with being bored, needing to rebel from the constraints of my life at that time, and needing badly to exercise some creative muscles but not having the energy for any big projects.  Whatever the reason, I took my digital camera, held it away from my body at various angles, and clicked the shutter.  Now, two years later, mammograms and ultrasounds show I have some “suspicious abnormalities” in my breasts.

Being human, when I got that news I very quickly went through the possibilities of what could happen.  Worst case scenario, of course, is I could have cancer and die.  Of course that’s a thought that enters my head; I’m human and we seem to be wired that way, don’t we?  It doesn’t matter how spiritual we are or how full of faith, there seems to be an innate fear of death in our culture and I guess at some point or another, most of us have to face that fear.  But truthfully, I don’t believe that’s my fate at this time.  I’m pretty sure there’s a lot more I’m supposed to do on the planet before I go.  So I rule that option out.  I may get cancer, but I’m not going to die for a while.  I choose to have some say in this matter and I choose to believe it’s not my time.

So the next most pressing thought is, ‘Will I lose my breasts?’  For some reason, this is a more sobering thought to me.  If I’m going to be alive, I would really like to keep my breasts.  I’m rather attached to them.  (No pun intended.)  I’m fond of them.  And I know a few other people who are as well.  (You know who you are!)

So I guess this is why I began the odd hobby of photographing my breasts.  Perhaps subconsciously I knew that I would want a record of how they used to look.

Today marks the 45th day since I first discovered a suspicious dark-colored discharge from my left nipple.  Well actually, if I’m honest, it’s probably more like the 52nd day, because after I first noticed it I promptly tucked the incident back into the corners of my subconscious.  I really did NOT want to deal with that piece of information at that time.

However, I eventually got on the stick.  I realized that no, it was not my imagination, and no, it was not a one-time only phenomenon.  I immediately called my primary doctor first thing  in the morning.  Then began a rapid succession of mammograms, ultrasounds, visits to a consulting surgeon, visits to a second surgeon for another opinion, etc.  But as of yet, no biopsy.  Sadly, it seems to have to do with finances and insurance (or rather, the lack thereof.)

Here is one thing I can’t seem to forget.  How many millions of women in this country have mammograms that suggest a possible “abnormality?”  How many millions of women have to go through this maelstrom of emotions – the fear, the uncertainty, the worry, the “what ifs?”  I ask myself:  is there anything that I can do to share information, offer suggestions and insights based upon my experience, and, most of all perhaps, educate about breast cancer prevention?

The answer is yes.  I can write this blog.

And there you have it. This is the first in a series of “conversations” about the experiences, the emotions, and the many and varied things I am learning – about the medical world, about preventive healthcare, about the ebb and flow of emotions, about emotional support, and about the spiritual lessons that can come with this experience if we’re open to them.

And to those of you out there who may be worried about your own breasts, or the breasts of someone you love, or me, may I say:  Read on, folks.  There is much to learn.

For now, I am trusting that everything is happening for a reason.  I am trying to allow my feelings to surface, while not getting overly bogged down with the nonproductive ones.  I truly do know that ultimately everything will be fine, no matter what the diagnosis turns out to be.

All is well.  (And I may freak out a bit from time to time.)

Peace to you.

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One Response to “Welcome to the Breast Blog”

  1. Pam Zwerger July 16, 2011 at 10:16 am #

    Cynthia…I would like to share my essential oil procedure that I sent you privately …on your blog…I will wait to hear from you regarding this.

    As far as your dreams of cancer…I would like to say that we hear so many commercials, media, etc about cancer that it is drilled into us to be afraid of it. This fear gets stuffed into the backs of our minds and can come out in a dream easily. I believe the dreams were fear dreams…I have had them too…but I do not have cacer and never will. I have a pact in my mind with myself…as mush as I fear this dis ease…I will never get it because my mind wont let it happen to me. I write on an imaginary blackboard in my head…NO CANCER, NO CANCER, NO CANCER. I write it in large letters and I use this as a serious deep meditation. I also envelope my body in the violet crystaline light ..you can do this with your breasts. I remember a story that I read years ago of a young boy who had cancerous tumors and he said that he pretended that the tumors were part of a video game in his body and he used his mind to attack them with super jets with star wars like bombs essentially “blowing them up” and behold they went away…never underestimate the power of the human mind! TTYL HUGS Call me.

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